Thursday, 4 April 2013
The movies, By Jaimee
I was heading to the movies with my friends, we were going to see a vampire movie that just come out, anyway so we were driving and the car suddeny stopped, the car had been making a sound like CLANG! the whole day, as I went to check what was wrong I opened the chipped bonnet of the car a big puff of smoke came out of the motor like smoke chugging out of a chimney, I had to call the towtrack because it was that bad, and my friends and I never got to see that movie that day.
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Mrs Fraser - Clang is such a good onomatopoeic word. You have used some WOW words. I would like you to proof read and edit this piece of writing again, your first sentence is very long. Can you change it to shorter snappier sentences?
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